paranoianovel Chapter 10: Epilogue
Chapter 10: Epilogue
chapter 10: epilogue
ayase saki's diary
7th of june (sunday)
when i said that i was relieved, i really meant it.
i could tell just from meeting him then that he wasn't a bad person.
at the same time, he felt very considerate. n.-0velbin
he's willing to put in new hot water in the bath after he's done with his.
i didn't expect him to be a student at suisei though.
8th of june (monday)
asamura-kun called out to me at school.
contrary to my expectations, asamura-kun is a very flat and even person.
i don't like the idea of him just taking the rumours about me at face value, but i know that it can't be helped. i know what i look like to others after all.
i was angry. yet, he accepted that i was angry.
he might be the first person i ever met who was willing to adjust to me like that.
9th of june (tuesday)
memo: asamura-kun likes his fried eggs with soy sauce.
from today onward, i will be cooking food.
asamura-kun is going out of his way to search for a high-pay part-time job for me, so i will provide him with breakfast and dinner.
he apologized for not being able to find anything, but i knew that it wouldn't be this easy.
especially asking strangers for help.
if i could do that...
10th of june (wednesday)
urk, so embarrassing...
to think he would hear that.
i don't want to look lame, so i try to keep my hard work a secret.
maaya came to visit us. she's as noisy as always.
the three of us played together, and laughed a lot. how long has it been since i laughed like that.
we exchanged line contacts.
it's very much like asamura-kun to keep a scenery picture as his profile picture.
thanks... for the umbrella.
11th of june (thursday)
i have to pay more attention when i dry my underwear in my room, yep.
underwear is just like every other piece of clothing. how could you be so entranced by it, asamura-kun...
luckily, he didn't try anything vile with it.
but...
he said he won't do anything. he admitted to having desires like that, but stated that having them and acting according to them is a different problem.
i couldn't agree more.
whenever i hear his opinion, i realize that i always sympathize with it. that's probably why i feel so relaxed.
asamura-kun is dangerous.
he understands me too well.
12th of june (friday)
asamura-kun got angry at me for the first time.
in the heat of the moment, i even told him about it. even though i didn't want to remember it again. yet, it looks like he experienced something similar to me. i didn't ask what exactly though.
we talked a lot, but there's things i couldn't tell him.
i was willing to sell my body...because i was scared of being indebted to asamura-kun.
13th of june (saturday)
at night, asamura-kun and i ate dinner as just the two of us.
mom and step-father went off to have dinner as the two of them.
asamura-kun was the one who came up with it. shows again that he is considerate even about the smallest details.
that's exactly why i can't call him 'nii-san'.
once i start calling him like that, i'll definitely rely on him all the time.
that is one thing i cannot allow myself.
i'm sorry, asamura-kun.
but...whenever i call him asamura-kun, deep inside my heart, another emotion starts to rise up, different to me calling him a big brother.
it's a feeling i haven't ever experienced, and i can't put a name on it either.
i only realized that i became conscious of asamura-kun.
it makes me feel uncertain, even gloomy.
even when i go to bed, i have trouble sleeping recently.
if i don't listen to calm music, in order to heal my brain cells, then my hands and feet won't relax. unable to fall asleep without listening to music, how can i even hope to become independent when i'm like this? i feel pathetic.
...just what is this feeling, really.